I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
