I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
