I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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