I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
