So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
