The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize