No stitches, just platelets and will power
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.