if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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