I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.