i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
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I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
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Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out