My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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