I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
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I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
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when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter