I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
