She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
