dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
