the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
