I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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