Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
