what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
