thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
