Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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