He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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