Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
