you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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