I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
