Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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