I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
