Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
