He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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