Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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