I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
