So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
