on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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