Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
