just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
