why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
