I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Randomize
