I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
