I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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