went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize