I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize