Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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