We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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