I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
