In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
