just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
