on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
