I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
