i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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