I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
