i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
