Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
