Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
