Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
