have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I love having hate sex.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
