I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The best revenge is premature balding
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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