i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
