just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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