yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
