he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
