What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
