i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
