I got chris browned last night
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
