They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
