What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
