No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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