I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
