....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
