if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
