this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
