why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
