What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
