Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
