I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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