So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
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he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
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Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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